so a month later.

i have decided to go back to jill’s saturday class.

after doing so many makeups… being in so many different classes… i felt like goldilocks. this one, the girls are too stuck up. this one, the teacher isn’t advanced enough with the pole. this one, the warmup feels militant. this one, the girls don’t dance in a way that is inspiring to me. this one, the teacher’s EC doesn’t inspire me. i realized that a lot of what i missed was feeling like the teacher knew me, knew where i was coming from, where i had been, how much i had grown. going back to jill’s other classes and doing makeups, i felt that from her. i wonder if i could ever feel that with another teacher– if i would ever stay in another class long enough to eventually feel that way?

i’m not operating under any illusions here. i know that she’s not a perfect teacher, and i think still that she treats me a little colder than other people. i think that her taste is music is not quite mine; i think that she is a little kooky and out there sometimes. but i’ve tried so many other teachers, and i’m sick of not having a home. and i know the girls in her class, and i know they are good people, who are glad to see me and who are kind and nice and sweet.

we will see what happens.