after class 7/8/08

this was week 2 of sultry but another makeup for me. first official class is still not until friday.

soooo remember the alamo meant a lot of crappy country music. really i think that is the only genre of music that i intensely dislike. i remember near the end of class i was putting stuff in my bag and two girls sitting on the bench together said to each other: wow, i really heard a bunch of songs that i liked! yeah, country’s not so bad! i will have go home and look up more songs like this!

gag. gag! seriously? it’s like when i log into the forum sometimes and after an assignment that i hated, people are going, yeah it was such a good learning experience! well, yes, sometimes it is, and sometimes you learn that your EC HATED IT. mermaid was like that. this was like that. i didn’t even do the assignment for my dance, but doing backup dances to music that iddn’t move me at all was just painful. it felt like a waste of money. maybe i will just sign out of that class next week because honest to god i just cannot handle country music.

is that bratty? i dont really care. it may be being a “bad sport” but it just doesn’t work for me. i tried it.

anyway. i had beth for a teacher today. who is the other TT mentor for NYC, tina being one as well. beth is great– she has a lot of the same energy that tina does but her class seemed to all get along really well. it might honestly be studio B. it’s jsut smaller and more personal in there than it is in A. i will have to take another make up with her some other time to test my theory.

warmup was good. i had a little trouble easing in today. learned the snake dive- handstand- split off and it HURTS. will have to try again at home or using a different position… i basically squished the hell out of my pubic bone and had to abort. it doesn’t seem like a trick i will be doing in flow, but then again– i said the same thing about layout once upon a time. open mindedness is the goal. except with country music.

picked “let it rain” by keri noble. couldn’t quite connect to the emotion of the song, but i did find a home in the feeling of it. i think that i am able to make more of the movements mine. changing them to fit who my EC is now and what she wants to feel. not just a regular cat pounce, up and down– throw in a little bit of an angled push back up, like a rocking cat, with pants on that allow my knees to just glide into cat pounce hip circles into a side goddess. it feels delicious. and it feels like me.

beth said i was feline. which is funny, i’ve gotten that before– i am curious to see my dance. but, not that curious. i will not be taping any time soon but i think that the BF may be getting a dance soon… =) she also asked me if i had danced to that song before– i have no idea why? it’s funny i was listening to it again just now and i realized that i don’t recognize the second half of the song. i danced to it but i wasn’t hearing it.

at the end of class, we had a couple of all-swims. beth picked lucinda williams- “i just wanna make love to you” for my groups’ second dance. and it felt good. afterwards i asked beth if she remembered talking to me about TT questions with tina… and she did. she had been trying to place my face during class.

i asked her if she had any advice for me. she said she tought i would do really well, that i had a great dance and movement. she said that it was good that i wasn’t too far progressed into my EC… that my movements were still recognizable into the chunks we are taught in class. i’m guessing she meant that when you are teaching L1… you need to be able to “showcase” the moves. sometimes if you watch a girl who is IN IT… like a house girl who can REALLY dance… you can tell that she’s not using any S moves any more. it’s all like… her own. it was kind of a backhanded compliment. like, she said my movement is “clean” and beautiful but she was also basically saying that my EC hasn’t truly come out yet. more food for thought i suppose. i have no idea what i look like and i know i have a long way to go towards what i could be. so, i will take it constructively.

more on the mermaid assignment…

i think i have gotten more clarity on what my real complaint is here…

i think some assignments are good for some people and not for others. our journeys are all so personal to us, and our growth is so individual, that for everyone to get the same assignment at the same time– well, clearly that is not effective for everyone across the board.

i think part of my frustration is that this journey, ultimately, is MINE. i know that teachers just want what is best for us. but sometimes you have to be able to do what you feel you need to, and a teacher should support you in that decision.

i am paying $30 an hour to have someone else tell me i have to tie my legs together? i know i am supposed to trust my teacher. but if i’m doing a makeup and the teacher has never met me before? never seen me dance?

i know that when i make up with lucy next week she will understand that i do not want to repeat it.

after class 6/9/08

i did a makeup in alex’s monday class (although she was out re-couping from an operation) with a couple of the forum girls. we went out to dinner before and i had a lovely shower right before class (it was 98 degrees outside)- something i will be doing again for sure! having super clean skin added a layer of sensuality to the warmup experience. i didn’t once run my hand across any part of my body and think: “yuck. sticky/oily/greasy/bleck.” unfortunately that usually happens since i am running to class after a day at work.

this was their week 6 (because of the funky way that weeks start on a wednesday) and fortunately NOT pole week!

i picked etta james– “i’d rather go blind” for my song. it was fantastic. her voice is so earthy, throaty. i find myself returning to the feminine in my music and my movement. standing hip circles against the wall, slow slow cat pounces. i don’t remember most of my dance now that i try but i know it felt like deep red velvet in a smoky room. it was one of my best dances in a long time.

i was wearing my new red lacy boyshorts, which are so light and silky on my skin that i feel nothing at all. black front-tie negligee that flies open when i roll from back to belly, that falls open to let me feel the pole against my stomach, that i can reach down and play with. and heels! for the first time in a long time. and it changed my movement. made me more… what? womanly? more conscious of the way that my hips are thrown out when i shift my weight? yes.

my EC lives in my ass. yes, that is her home, her temple, her weapon.

i felt totally uninhibited in that class. again– having supportive, awesome, enthusiastic women in the audience makes such a huge difference.

i am doing a makeup with another forum girl tomorrow. i hope it is as much fun as monday was!

weekend rejuvination

going to philly reminded both of us, i think, of how good it can be between us. we’ve reached a new level somehow, somewhere. we’ve gotten past the honeymoon, past the fighting (i hope), past being annoyed with each other, and on to a new place where we know each other so well, that we are so in tune with each other. not comfortable, because that implies complacency. but something else.

westin was beautiful. fortunately we ended up at the last minute being able to switch into the location right in the heart of philly. room service for bfast, lunch, and dinner, eating in bed with bathrobes on was just wonderfully indulgent. a king sized bed was heaven. a clean tub to soak in was something i didn’t even realize i missed. and a bottle of barolo sits patiently waiting for us to pop the cork open.

cirque was absolutely mindblowing and completely inspiring.

so now it has been: varekai, allegria, wintuk, corteo, and now kooza! hopefully saltimbanco will be next =)

things can change, so can your EC…

Preferred song(s) to S with: it’s a new song every week, literally. but ones that express where my EC is right now are: this body- janet; lovesong- snake river conspiracy; a perfect lie- the engine room
Current Class Level: 6.2
Class Location: chelsea
Class Instructor: tina m
Class Day(s) & Time(s): weds 6pm
Marital Status: for the most part, happily monogamous
Pets?: bella bear the dog who thinks she’s a cat
Work-Career/School/Stay At Home: work full time, school part time, stay at home the rest of the time
If I could be anywhere at the moment: in the bahamas, on a speedboat to that deserted island
Have you discovered your erotic creature? If so, describe her: she is my id: the cold heartless bxxxxh with no guilt, sensitive, vulnerable, emotive. i have layers to me– she does too.
What do you prefer to wear to S in? booty shorts and a wife beater. occassionaly thigh high black 6″ patent leather boots in the mix.
Favorite Warm Up Move: pelvic grinds, ruby’s pose, sitting cross legged with my forehead on the floor.
Least Favorite Warm Up Move: spine circles.
Favorite Pole Trick: spinning snake.
Least Favorite Pole Trick: still- half pint, hands down.

Is Sexy/Is Sexier Line: success is sexy. passion is sexier.

musings

this is where my thinking is right now with the creature concept. i didn’t realize how hazy my thoughts about all this really were, or how long it’s been since i consciously thought about all this- it’s mentally taxing to try to define feelings in a way that is coherent.

your EC is NOT determined by the types of music she listens to, or the mood she is in that day. the same way that a person can vary from day to day, so can she.

the salient characteristics, the ones that scream out at you after a dance, may not be the ones that truly define her. yes, she may have been angry, or frustrated, but that isn’t WHO she is. the way she moves isn’t WHO she is. she has a base personality from where she, and you, can explore and grow and change. she has likes and dislikes that are as inalienable as your own.